Reminder

Finding love in its rawest, most authentic, natural, heart-pounding form touched the deepest point of my heart and soul. No matter what, that feeling of the heart, that responsiveness of the body could not be denied. I do not regret a single second of meeting that love and bathing in it with all my heart. 

It lives with me still, warm in a chamber of my heart. It is what puts a smile on my face and hugs me dearly in the darkest times. It is my universal kiss.

But it wasn't meant to stay with me forever. So, I had to move on, and I did. But by then, I had decided to 'tame' my wild self and found someone who could house that taming. After four long years of traveling, adventure, and taming my wild self, I was feeling suicidal. I could not live in that cage anymore. 

So, I broke off free and fled to the misty mountains of California. I was swimming in my freedom, blind with the joy of that freedom and hungry for all the soul-starving I had done before. I felt paralyzed in the rational, ethical part of my brain: took a wrong step in this long walk of life. Repairing that damage to my personal mindscape and to the person I was committed to, is going to take time.

It IS taking its time.

In this 'meantime,' he cannot see me beyond that step. I cannot see myself.

I need someone from my past to come into our lives and remind us both who I truly am.


February 16th 2023

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